Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 1,422 Location: Where ever there's trouble...
Zero Writes a book? « Thread Started on Jul 24, 2007, 1:11pm »
Yes its true. I've been writing a book for a while now. Actually it isn't so much a book as it is the story I've written for a pet project I want to make into a game, its just written like a book so I can get alot of detail. I recently scrapped the first Draft of the story for the first game as I didn't like the way it turned out, or the freaquent usage of "..." after every other word. So I've decided to use the First Draft as a guide and expand the story into more detail. I've decided to post the prologue for it to see what everyone thinks, if you like it then I may decide to post more. As I said this is the Prologue for the second draft and may or may not be the final version for the final draft, etc. etc. Moving on, I hope you enjoy it. Also feed back is very appreciated as it helps me write better. Please do not make me beg for feedback, because I don't want to... but I will if I have to. This project is very near and dear to me, and anything that helps me make it better is very much appreciated.
« Last Edit: Jul 24, 2007, 1:20pm by Desert Punk »
Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 1,422 Location: Where ever there's trouble...
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #1 on Jul 24, 2007, 1:18pm »
-The Future… actually sooner than you think-
It was another day in New York City as life continued on like normal. But today was anything but normal for everyone who lived there. For most this day was full of fear, fear for their own lives as well as fear for the well beings of those they loved. But for Lucy Hopkins, today wasn’t just any day. Today was her 8th birthday and it was going to be very special. For other people around the world however, this was a day for the history books. Whether the outcome of today was good or bad, it would forever be recorded into the pages of human history.
Lucy awoke from her slumber, trying to fight the urge to wake up. Finally getting the best of her, she sat up and began wiping the crud from her eyes. Her mother Karen had already started breakfast, and Lucy could smell it cooking. So she hopped off of her bed, quickly brushed her hair, and picked out an outfit for the day. As it was the start of Winter, she would have to dress warmly, so she chose a nice pair of long pants and a sweater. Karen scraped the last of the eggs from the frying pan and onto the two plates sitting at the table, waiting only for the toast to finish. Lucy put her socks on and quickly rushed to the kitchen. Karen saw the happy look on Lucy’s face and smiled at how happy she looked. In these dark times, with the war about to start and the shelters being built, it was quite refreshing to see a child’s innocent smile. Lucy hopped into her chair just as the toast popped out of the toaster. Karen took the pieces of toast and gave them to Lucy before starting two pieces for herself. Lucy didn’t waste any time digging into her breakfast, shoveling the eggs and bacon into her mouth. The fact that today was her birthday seemed to make them taste that much better.
“So Mommy, have you heard from Daddy today yet?” Lucy asked as she worked the next fork load of food into her mouth. Karen sat down at the table with a sad look coming over her face. “No honey, Daddy hasn’t called yet.” There was a hint of sadness and fear in Karen’s voice as she worked up those words. Lucy wiped her face clean with her shirt sleeve, “Don’t worry Mommy, I’m sure Daddy will call today. He said he would call me for my birthday.” Karen put on a fake smile, “Of course he will honey. You’re right. Besides, there’s no way Daddy would ever forget to tell you happy birthday.” Karen finished her own breakfast quietly and took both plates to the sink to wash them. To avoid letting Lucy watch TV today, so she would have no idea what’s going on, Karen had decided to take her around town to see some of the sights that the city had to offer. When Lucy complained about it, Karen joked, “Well you wouldn’t be saying that if they disappeared tomorrow.” But it was wrong of Karen to joke like that and she knew it was. Because those things could all be gone tomorrow, and that was no joke.
Karen put her shoes on, “Okay sweet heart lets get ready to go.” Lucy nodded and started putting her own shoes on. Karen handed Lucy her coat and scarf, and helped her put them on. “Okay, that should keep you warm for today.” Grabbing her purse, keys, and her own coat, the two left the tiny apartment. Once out in the hall, Karen locked the door and turned to Lucy, “So what do you wan to do first? Got to the park? Zoo? Statue of Liberty? Where?” Lucy thought about it to herself, the two began walking down the hallway towards the lift. “Can we go to the Zoo today?” Lucy asked. It was unusually cold for this time in November but for the sake of the animals the Zoo would typically be closed. But not today, every store would be open today. Every theater, store, mall, arcade, and church would be open today. Karen quickly hid her sadness at the recent turn of events and smiled at her daughter, “Sure we can go to the Zoo, wanna go their first?” Lucy nodded as the two stepped onto the lift. Their day had begun, and it would be full of memories.
Stepping onto the street Lucy watched the entire city come to life. Cars were on the move and people flooded the streets. The city had stood through a lot in our history, and it continued to stand the test of time. Often referred to as the greatest human city ever built, it was easy to see even now why it was still referred to as such. Many of the buildings here however were quite new. Many of the historical buildings were restored after the destruction caused by the Third World War that engulfed near the mid-21st century. But many of them still stood, even after the bombings and attacks. Karen took Lucy’s hand and the two began walking down the sidewalk towards their destination. Lucy watched as more and more people seemed to be walking the street today than normal.
But then Lucy noticed something else walking the streets along with the people. What resembled a large mechanical lizard stood up, 8 feet tall with a long tail stood upright holding building materials in its arms. It looked right at Lucy, she saw this and waved to the monster with a smile on her face. To her surprise the creature waved back to her and let out a low pitched noise that sounded like a light growl. This of course earned it a scolding from a man standing right next to it. “What are you doing you idiot! Come on! Let’s get this shit moving!” the Handler yelled to the creature and it nodded in response to the order, quickly resuming its original task. You would think that seeing an 8 foot mechanical creature walking the streets in a populated area would cause a huge commotion or maybe even a panic. But to Lucy, and indeed the people of New York, it was just another thing they saw every day.
Lucy and Karen continued walking down the block, passing by other mechanical creatures as they did so. Lucy seemed amazed by all the different shapes and sizes they all came in. Stopping first by a Bakery, Karen wanted to check the order she placed for Lucy’s surprise birthday cake. Lucy knew why they were there, but o keep the secret of what kind of cake she had ordered, she had Lucy stand outside next to the door where she could see her. Lucy stood outside the store as she was told. This of course was very boring so she looked around her to see if there was anything very interesting to look at. Everyone continued on about their lives as if nothing was wrong. Lucy followed a few cars with her eyes, playing a game inside her mind with the things she saw. She continued to do so until she felt a light nudge against her back. She turned and saw a large metal snout in her face that let out a light groan, it was a non-threatening sound that seemed almost friendly. Lucy saw the creature the head was attached to, it was almost twice her size walking on all fours. It had several large crates tied to its back, and it seemed to be by itself. It looked at Lucy and began shaking its head to the left. Lucy thought for a second and figured out that it was asking her to get out of the way. “I’m sorry. Here.” She said as she stepped back closer to the store. The lumbering creature nodded in response to her actions and began walking forward, back to its original task. Lucy waved goodbye, “It was nice meeting you.” And in response the creature turned its head as it walked and let out another groan. In her mind Lucy figured this meant, nice to meet you too.
To people like Lucy, the Mecha weren’t simply machines that did our bidding. They were alive, and aided us in our everyday lives. The Mecha had been around for over 70 years. They had been developed shortly after the end of the Third World War to help rebuild cities, and other structures. Able to sustain themselves indefinitely because of organic CORE units built into them that act as both their brains and their power sources. Lucy really liked the Mecha, and she loved waving to them and talking to them. She always told her mother how nice she thought they were. Indeed, the Mecha had become a part of society that most people couldn’t imagine life without. But it was this dependence that led to the conflict that was about to take place. Karen exited the store. Grabbing Lucy’s hand they continued walking down the street. Lucy’s day seem to go by fast as her mother took her to all sorts of places around the city. The Natural History museum, the Zoo, Central Park, and they even squeezed in a trip to the rebuilt Statue of Liberty. Karen felt as though she had finally forgotten everything that was happening, even if it was just for a day. Trying to make Lucy happy made her happy.
Tired from today’s events, Karen decided to take a break before picking up the cake. Karen rested on a bus bench while Lucy talked to a Loader Mecha. It was sitting on the back of a flat bed with another one of the same kind. Two Mecha Handlers were trying to get a third onto the back to take them elsewhere. Having had no sleep the night before, worrying about her husband who may as well be on the front lines now. Karen rested her eyes for a moment, until she finally fell asleep right there on the bench. “Okay that’s the last one. Lock it in!” One handler yelled to the other as the third was placed on the flatbed and was strapped down into place. With the last unit secured the handlers jumped into the front and started the engine. “Well I guess you have to go now.” Lucy said, and the Mecha nodded to her. She waved goodbye with a cheerful smile, “Well goodbye. It was nice meeting you, and good luck to you.” The Mecha lifted one of its oddly shaped arms and waved back to her, and she watched the truck as it disappeared around a corner.
Lucy saw her mother sitting down on the nearby bench. But she didn’t seem to notice that her mother had fallen asleep yet. But she did notice something else nearby that seemed somewhat interesting. A large group of people were standing outside of an electronic store, and they seemed to be watching something. So Lucy went to go see exactly what they were watching. Nobody seemed to want to let her through as they didn’t want to step out of the way. So Lucy Squeezed her way through, her scarf getting caught on a man’s watch. The man looked down when he noticed the tug at his arm. Upon investigating he discovered the little girl trying to get her scarf free, so without saying anything he took off his watch and freed the scarf. Lucy tried to say thank you but the man grabbed her and moved her to the front of the group. “Even children have a right to see this.” The man said, as everyone saw what he was doing, they stepped out of the way so that Lucy could get a good view of what they were watching.
Finally placing her down in front of the store, Lucy found herself staring at a wall of TV’s, someone had set up some external speakers outside the store so that passerby’s could listen to what was happening. The speakers of course were locked in boxes attached to the store itself. Lucy looked at the screens at what seemed to be a news report. The bottom of the screen read, “President Speaks on OPERATION: Cleansing Fire.” The man that stood onscreen was entertaining questions from the press at what looked like the inside of the UN building. The president pointed to a reporter in the audience, signaling that he would take her question next. “Mr. President, your contingency plan for this operation is very… extreme. In your honest opinion, if Cleansing Fire fails to deliver the desired results, aren’t there any other options available?” her question rang through the crowd, as everyone hung on the edge of their seats waiting for the President to respond to the one question they all wanted to ask him. The president sighed, “We have taken into account everything we know about the current situation, our own military force, as well as the forces of our enemies. And as much as it pains me to say it; If Cleansing Fire fails, there will be no options… period.” Camera’s flashed as every cameraman tried to get a good shot of the President for the paper, or news station that they worked for. “I will now turn the podium over to General William Brenly as he has some words he would like to say.” Thus the president stepped down from the podium, and another stepped up. This one was dressed in full military dress uniform. He had medals pinned to his chest and more Theater Ribbons than anyone dare to count.
The crowd of people began to thin out as everyone lost interest or decided to go home and pray for their loved ones. Lucy continued watching as though she had been mesmerized by the very appearance of this one man. “To those of us watching from the comforts of your homes, and to those of you watching from the front lines… if you hear anything before this hell is unleashed then listen to this. We stand now at the peak of human civilization, nearly destroyed by the last Great War, we recovered and stand now even greater than we were before.” Lucy watched the screen with unblinking eyes, something in the man’s voice sent an impulse through her whole body. It told her to watch it, listen to it carefully, take all of it in. Thus the man continued to speak, “The Nations of our world have been at each others throats for years, yet now we stand united, together with our Allies and our Enemies as we face a New Enemy! A Common Enemy! These monsters that threaten our way of life have forgotten the natural order of this world! It is we, who created them and we are the ones they must serve without question! These Berserk Mecha, or Berzerkers as many seem to call them, are nothing but a disease… a cancer on our world. Like many diseases they will be purged from this Earth with such a fire, that if they believed in God… they would think that he himself is raining it down upon them!”
A truck loaded with materials drives by, and rattles as the truck hits a pothole nearby, waking Karen from her slumber. Quickly coming to her senses she looks in front of her and notices that Lucy is not there. She leaves the bench and begins to panic. She looks to her left and sees nothing but strangers, so she calls out, “LUCY! LUCY WHERE ARE YOU!” with no response she proceeds in that direction and calls out a few more times. Then she turns around and faces the other direction, she sees Lucy standing in front of the electronics store watching the television. Deciding that she’d better grab her before something happens to her she runs towards her. Lucy watches the man begin to pick up momentum in his speech. “-and because of that the UN has unanimously decided to take up arms against this looming threat. These monsters obviously have no concern for their own well being as they have made enemies of the entire human race! Whatever this leader of theirs is, it can’t be very smart as it-“ Karen grabs Lucy and hugs her, “God Lucy don’t ever do that to me again! I was so worried. What are you doing here anyway?” Lucy silently points to the TV screen, though she doesn’t understand everything the General is saying, somehow his words echo in her mind… fire from god, berserk Mecha, destroyed countries… they go way beyond her own understanding but still she paid close attention to them all. Karen seeing what Lucy is watching quickly grabs her hand and drags her down the sidewalk away from the store. “Come along now Lucy.” she says as she drags Lucy by her sleeve. Lucy cries in protest, “But Mommy, I wanna watch the man!” but her protest goes unheard.
The speech continues even without Lucy watching, a few pedestrians walk by, stop to look and then leave. “-as such our Victory is assured! It is assured that the human race will continue to dominate this world long after this conflict is brought to a close! We vastly out number this enemy, and we have more resources than they do. Victory is not just assured, it is essentially guaranteed. As such we have united the armed forces of the Reformed United States alongside the other armies of our world. This of courses includes The Soviet-Asian Alliance, the South American Coalition, the United Republic of Africa, as well as the remnants of the Neo-European Alliance. Never in the history of all mankind has this much force been mustered to stop a single threat. This day will be remembered throughout history, as the day that all the fighting amongst each other stopped. As all the rivalries and politics stopped, and that on this day the peoples of this world became brothers in arms as they struggle for freedom together. So with the Power of this… the United World Army… we shall be… VICTORIOUS!” The general stepped down as everyone in the room applauded him. All around the world people clapped for him, as his words inspired them to hope.
After picking up the cake from the bakery, Karen and Lucy went straight home. It was night, almost 8 o’clock. The caller ID showed no missed calls, which meant that Lucy’s father had still not called. Several weeks ago, the military recalled all military personnel, whether active or inactive and had them report to the closest base within 48 hours. Lucy’s father had been recalled to join the rest of the brave men and women who formed the UWA on the frontlines of battle. Karen turned the TV on, and saw that cartoons had finally come back on, so she told Lucy to watch TV until it was time for dinner. Karen had watched over the last two days as materials, Mecha, supplies, and anything else that was needed was rushed over to the mainland to construct the shelter. Although the R.U.S. government had every confidence in their ability to win, they weren’t taking any chances with the lives of its citizens, preparing the shelter in the event of the contingency going into effect.
Karen had started making dinner, when the phone started ringing. Immediately rushing to the phone in the hopes that it was her husband, Karen picked up the phone. Sure enough it was him, Lucy walked towards her mother and saw her crying with a smile on her face as she listened to what he had to say to her. As she cried she handed the phone to Lucy, “It’s for you honey.” So Lucy took the phone, knowing who it was she could hardly contain herself from the excitement. “Hey Daddy!” her fathers voice came over loud and clear as he stood inside an office near the secondary defense line with the rest of his outfit. “Hey pumpkin, a little birdy told me today was your birthday. SO I figured I’d give you a call and say Happy Birthday. How are you doing pumpkin?” Lucy had never been so excited to talk to someone over the phone, “I’m fine, Mommy took me to the Zoo today. I got to see the elephants, and the tigers. Also I got to see a whole bunch of Mecha walking out side.” Her fathers voice seem to lose some of its excitement, “Really, you saw lots of Mecha. Well that’s good. Anyway I just wanted to say I love you sweet heart and I’ll be home soon okay. Give the phone back to Mommy real quick okay.” Lucy gave the phone back to her mother and left to go back to the living room.
Karen’s face smiled again as she talked to her husband, but changed expressions when he heard what he had to say. She learned that if everything goes well that he would probably not be back for at least 6 months, even though the conflict was expected to only last a few days to a week at the most. With that he told her to be careful, and if the evacuation order is issued to leave immediately and not hesitate. The call ended shortly after. She went to her room and closed the door where she cried to herself in her room. After a few minutes she regained her composure and went back to making dinner. Lucy had a quiet party that night, just the two of them and a cake, no presents though. Lucy was a little upset but she understood the reason why, or at least she said she did. She was still kind of upset by the fact that she didn’t get any presents. Time passed and Lucy went to bed. Karen decided that she would need to be ready if anything happened so she went to sleep herself. The battle started the very next day… at 5:43pm EST.
The only thing that was reported about the war was that it was going well and things were looking up for the UWA forces. But Karen discovered different when the evacuation order was given. After three days of conflict the evacuation order was given to all cities across the world. Government officials assured the people that nothing was wrong and there was nothing to panic about. They claimed that this was merely a precaution for the safety of the people. Following the instructions of her husband, Karen grabbed Lucy and the two packed their bags. Finally they headed to the shelter which was over on the mainland. To avoid unnecessary traffic jams, the government ran busses, shuttle services, and other means of public transportation to get people to the shelters. Urging people to only take what they needed and to leave their cars behind. Karen and Lucy managed to get inside the shelter on the first day. Descending on the huge lift that took everyone down into the ground, the inside of the shelter came into view. Lucy stood in awe at the sight of an underground city that had been built. Tall buildings, stretched as far as she could see, and it was a sight to behold. Karen and Lucy found themselves a comfortable place to stay as they waited for news of the war.
Seven days passed and no one heard anything. The lift that had been running constantly since they arrived had stopped. It was then that the government officials made statements regarding what had happened to the war. The Berzerkers had breached the containment zone and began spreading out ward, as such the UWA was called in to buy time while the contingency was put into effect. It was announced that the shelter had been filled to maximum capacity, and those that couldn’t make it were considered lost. Above ground, the remnants of the UWA fought merely for survival at this point. Knowing what was about to happen many left to try and get into one of the hundreds of shelters that covered the globe. But as the Berzerkers had become air born, all nations had taken refuge and all shelters were effectively locked down… no one in, no one out.
The command codes were sent to the orbital missile platforms from a military bunker near D.C. However, the President stood watch over the city from the White House. He prayed for those that didn’t make it to a shelter in time, and he prayed for the souls of those who died already, and those who were about to die because of his plan. The launchers fired their ordinances at the Earth, targeting any area that had any confirmed Berzerker activity, ground salvos did the same. But as the Berzerkers had become airborne and had spread significantly since the conflict started. As such, the entire world was engulfed by Nuclear Fire. The EMP shorted out electronics in orbit. All communication satellites, GPS, and surveillance satellites were destroyed. Lucy could hear the explosions from within the shelter, they sounded like loud thumps. The shelters were suppose to be the new home for humanity for the next 10 years. All of it was suppose to be temporary. Lucy never saw the sun again, she never saw the sky again either. She died of old age in the shelter, as did many who were born above ground. Humanity had lost the surface of the Earth, destined to struggle for survival with limited supplies… because their last ditch effort for survival… had failed.
Joined: Feb 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 937 Location: The vineway nexus.
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #2 on Jul 24, 2007, 2:16pm »
It seems like youre off to a good start, my suggestion though is to start off with a chapter before this that is very unique (and perhaps even wierd) in order to really get people's attention. Mecha, nuclear wars, and global nuclear holocaust are all pretty common themes, and you should try to do something different to make an impression. Maybe add a odd and seemingly unrelated character that does something odd during this holocaust.
Also, if you're looking for reviews on your writing I'd suggest trying www.fictionpress.com as well. Since this is a voice acting forum its somewhat tough to get reviews on fiction. Heck, its tough even for seasoned VA's to get reviews on their voice acting in productions here!
Reviews are worth their weight in gold it seems.....
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #3 on Aug 1, 2007, 6:17am »
Very very good. I had a bit of a problem with you switching perspectives. I think it would be better written should you keep the perspective of a small child throughout the chapter. I agree with mozza, you should write something really out there for the first chapter. Perhaps a chapter from a Bezerkers point of view? Mechanicalized data. Cold, emotionless killing. Or perhaps a journal of a soldier.
Though you use common themes, I like where its going. Perhaps an original story will come of this.
You did a good job of novel writing. I make the mistake of cutting things short too often. You did a great job of giving length to everything. Also superb vocabulary and paragraph flow.
Again, my only problem was with you switching perspectives. Id try to keep it from Lucys point of view, the view of a child. Tell the history later, when it presents itself. Describing things from a childs point of view gives it a strange mysterious quality you cant find with any other perspective. When you blatently say whats happening...the story looses a bit of the edge. I understand whats going on...but I feel like it was fed to me rather than me actually figuring it out. Thats the goal, to make me feel like Im finding out whats going on.
Joined: Jul 2006 Gender: Male Posts: 1,208 Location: Florida
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #4 on Aug 1, 2007, 7:20am »
Ahh! Time Glitch pretty much summed up what I was trying to figure out. I honestly couldn't figure out what was wrong with the story until I read his last paragraph.
Like he said, you're spoon feeding the reader. You're saying 'This happened, then this happened because that happened, then this happened as a result of that, then this happened.' Kind of hard to explain, I guess, but you should let us make our own connections, and tell the story through the character's actual actions and thoughts.
As mentioned before, the switching of perspectives and past/present tenses. Example:
"Stepping onto the street Lucy watched the entire city come to life."
"Quickly coming to her senses she looks in front of her and notices that Lucy is not there."
Also, you're lacking a lot of commas. It helps to say the line in your head, and place the comma where there's a pause. At least, that's what I do. Don't know if it works for anyone else o_O;
Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 1,422 Location: Where ever there's trouble...
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #5 on Aug 2, 2007, 2:30am »
Thanks for the input everyone. Now for the big revealer... this prologue is actually a 15-16 page re-write of the same scenario... only the first draft only took up a page and a half, most of which was the TV speech. This is prologue is tied to a property I've been working on since sophmore year of High School. It is a project that is extremely close to my heart as I have poured so much time and love into it. It is an original story set in the future.
For those of you arguing over the post-apocalyptic thing, correct that has been done to death. Which is why my story becomes more of a post-post-apocalyptic future. The idea is that the world ended, they whined about it, they suffered the harsh conditions, but now they've adapted and while things are still bad, they are progressively getting better.
The property in question is called "MECH HUNTER", it is a world whose mechanics, physics, science, economy, and culture have occupied my mind constantly for over six years now. Currently I am in the process of re-writing all of my older materials into more detailed versions. As you can see, I took a page and a half and turned it into 15 pages, imagine what I can do with the 20 page document that tells of the history and origins of the Berzerkers. My head and my fingers hurt just thinking about it.
Joined: Mar 2006 Gender: Female Posts: 136 Location: New York, USA
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #6 on Aug 2, 2007, 8:07pm »
Quote:
Like he said, you're spoon feeding the reader. You're saying 'This happened, then this happened because that happened, then this happened as a result of that, then this happened.' Kind of hard to explain, I guess, but you should let us make our own connections, and tell the story through the character's actual actions and thoughts.
Although, I think this is rather good for a 2nd (?) draft, I feel the need to agree with Bubbowrap. While reading this, I couldn't help but notice the use of somewhat simple sentences and a very stiff writing style that made it a little hard for me to really get 'into' the story, regardless of how good it may be. To fix this, try using more complex sentences (like how you write normally in your posts) and more indept looks into character's feelings and observations of the world around them.
Joined: Jan 2007 Gender: Male Posts: 1,422 Location: Where ever there's trouble...
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #7 on Aug 3, 2007, 4:59am »
Everyone thank you for your advice, problems, and positive feed back. This weekend, I'm going to rewrite this prologue to see if I can fix some of the problems with it. And I appreciate all of the support you've all given me.
Joined: Aug 2005 Gender: Male Posts: 2,743 Location: going the varangian way
Re: Zero Writes a book? « Reply #8 on Aug 8, 2007, 7:35am »
Dude, not to put you off or anything... but I'm not goingto read this completely through... If i as much as skim the text, I immediately see a giant flaw in your writing... I envy the strength of you guys who've already read this... But this tekst(and actually all your other stories) are basically giant blocks of text... Divided into paragraphs just to give a sense of what seems like time skips.
the following piece being what first I saw and read as an example of what i mean:
Quote:
Lucy nodded as the two stepped onto the lift. Their day had begun, and it would be full of memories.
Stepping onto the street Lucy watched the entire city come to life.
the first line being the end of a paragraph, the other being the start of a new one.
My eyes simply start to hurt when staring at a giant mass of words like that. Seriously, add more enter's after sentences, and when trying to get the above mentioned effect indeed use the double enter.
I'll try and correct the first paragraph for you so you see what i mean with making your text reader friendly.
Quote:
It was another day in New York City as life continued on like normal. But today was anything but normal for everyone who lived there. For most this day was full of fear, fear for their own lives, as well as fear for the well beings of those they loved. For other people around the world, this was a day for the history books. Whether the outcome of today was good or bad, it would forever be recorded into the pages of human history. But for Lucy Hopkins, today wasn’t just any day. Today was her 8th birthday and it was going to be very special.
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